It bugged me for awhile--this condition that plagued all my friends (especially when it was one-sided because their spouse was not as wrapped up in her world as she was with his world). Maybe I was also a little jealous. But after observing good relationships and bad ones, I've come to the conclusion that acting as if your life began the day you met your lover might actually be an indicator of a healthy relationship. We can call this variable New Life Syndrome.
I know this man who after being married for 20 plus years referred to college and high school as his glory days. He glows when he talks about all of the crazy things he and his friends would do and all of his love interests prior to marriage and how he was just a big-A stud back in the day. He still blasts his high school and college music in the security of his man cave, and he pathetically goes through high school albums and scans them onto facebook so that his "buddies" can see. When I ask about all the time that has passed since college, he seems to deflate and talks about responsibilities. (And probably envisions a tired, working, responsible man who never once took out his feelings of missed opportunities on his wife).
Meanwhile, he liberally appoints the label of, "Loser" to anyone he dislikes, which happens to be a large majority of the people he knows. Talk about projection. Okay, I'm going to stop bashing on this one person. He may have been going through a very long draw-out mid-life crisis that continues to this day in addition to all of this, so that may be something... Maybe.
The point is that he clearly has not forged a new life with his wife in mind. (And he's doing a ton of other stuff wrong).
You don't have to be an A-hole to suck at forming a "new life" with a loved one. You can totally be a great person and then turn into an A-hole later on by stubbornly maintaining a separate life and then blaming your partner for everything.
The choice is up to you.
And I don't think acting as if your life began the day you met your love is throwing out old interests or becoming enmeshed in his/her life. I'd say it's more like redefining your life so that your plans and your choices are almost always influenced by this new person. It's like principle 1 and 4 in Gottman's book: Enhance Your Love Maps and Let Your Partner Influence You. Bee-tee-dubs, this book is awesome and super straightforward.
Examples of people who seemed to live this principle when they were alive:
Richard G. Scott:
It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together.
Boyd K. Packer:
Sister Donna Smith Packer and I have been side by side in marriage for nearly 70 years. When it comes to my wife, the mother of our children, I am without words. The feeling is so deep and the gratitude so powerful that I am left almost without expression. The greatest reward we have received in this life, and the life to come, is our children and our grandchildren. Toward the end of our mortal days together, I am grateful for each moment I am with her side by side and for the promise the Lord has given that there will be no end.
