I'm going to talk about tradition now

You can learn a lot by spending time with people who think differently than you. Being challenged on seemingly neutral topics can generate more opinions than you originally thought possible. Since you can't avoid people who think differently than you, you will eventually be forced to confront your beliefs. I'm glad that I've grown accustomed to needing to articulate my thoughts or needing to defend my position (or make a brilliant arguments in my head once my opponent is out of the picture (somehow they always sound like Simplicio from Dialogue Concerning Two Chief World Systems)).

[Transition: I'm going to talk about tradition now.]

I've been noticing this battle going on between traditional thought and progressive thought. (BTW, I don't really feel qualified to be talking about this so I will use words that sound broad and holistic (like tradition and progress instead of conservative or liberal or Republican or Democrat).

Anyway, I've been noticing this trend to hate on tradition just because. Sometimes there is a really good reason that people hate traditions, but other times I get the impression that the tradition is hated due to the association it has with other traditions. (It's like, "Ew, dresses were invented before women's suffrage!")

I've seen the other side too...

One time I made the mistake of mentioning to my aunt how my friend's male fiance decided to wear a ring before the wedding. Her reaction was something like, "What?! Why would you do that?" To which I responded, "Why not? I mean she has to wear a ring before the wedding... why shouldn't he? I thought it was kinda cool.." "But it breaks tradition!" Me: "So?" Her: "You shouldn't break tradition." I didn't bother asking why because I knew that would lead to some sort of intervention where I would be taught the sanctity of tradition. And I didn't really care that my friend's fiance was doing something different. It was just an offhand comment. If only they knew about the nontraditional things I do care about! :O
Like joint last names. I kind of think it would be soooo cool to combine my last name with my spouse. Like in a really dorky creative way... like, if their last name was something simple like "Smith" or "Miller" or "Anderson," it could be changed to Spith, Spiller, or Spanderson. HAHaHA. Oh man, adding "Sp" to the beginning of any word is such a good idea. But hyphenating it would be cool too... especially if my spouse's surname was really long and foreign sounding. That would look AWESOME: Hello, married ward, we are the Spencer-Tsaregorodtsev's. hahahaaha
Silliness aside, I like the symbolism of both partners changing their last names because it is as if they are both leaving their parents and cleaving to one another as a new family. 

Also, sometimes I don't like following holiday traditions.Specifically Thanksgiving. I just never feel like having a lot of Thanksgiving food. And even though I've tried to plan thanksgivings with people where we make a pizza in the shape of a turkey, no one ever wants to. 

Whenever I hear people rag on the dreams of traditional thinkers, it makes me sad. If a woman wants to drop out of school to start a family, give her a break! It's her freaking decision, guys. If traditional thinkers can't make the final call on who is happiest in this world, neither can progressive thinkers.


I recently realized that I have made a huge shift to traditional views in the area of the family. (Traditional as in, having a family period. I'm not talking about the traditional family in this post.)


Long story to demonstrate the emotional piece of my shift...

In a therapy class focused on self-care, our professor led us in a mindfulness/relaxation exercise. After breathing deeply for a few counts, we were asked to imagine a place that was safe and serene. She listed off a few examples of common peaceful locations (like the beach or the forest) and told us to choose a location that felt safe. Then she asked specific questions to build imagery and the overall experience.

I already had an imagined place in mind (that I had used in a similar exercise) so I decided to start from there and develop it further. I envisioned a still bedroom with dusty light leaking through a window as I had before, except that this time, it was dusk, the lights were off, and the room looked blue from the outside light. I imagined the room in more detail--there was a computer desk, picture frames on the south wall, a slightly messy work-space, and three windows (two on the north wall and one on the west wall where I could barely make out the setting sun because of all the trees blocking my view). I was standing by a computer desk looking southward towards the doorway that led to the rest of the house.
When I was asked what noises I heard, I was surprised to hear noises coming from inside the house rather than outside the house--distant laughter. "But who's laughter?" I thought. The answer came right away--it was my family's laughter. "Which family?" I asked myself. Again, I knew the answer: it was my future family--my far future family. My children were already adults and they were gathered in the family room talking and laughing. I knew exactly where they were--just around the staircase, only two small hallways away in the living room (which was located right by an open kitchen and a sliding door to the backyard--I've never been in a house that looks this way by the way).
When I wondered why I wasn't with them, I remembered that I had only stepped away for a little bit and registered that I would of course be welcomed back. For now, I was spending time alone in this office space enjoying the distant laughter and the opportunity to ponder for a few minutes. My heart was full and I felt the utmost peace and happiness to hear them enjoying themselves.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I've never really considered myself a family person. Because I didn't have the most functional family, it has taken me awhile to fully appreciate the LDS obsession with families. I considered it a bitter obligation you sign up for when you decide to be a member. Like childbirth but lifelong.

It was only a few years ago that I was persuaded to believe that family life could be enjoyable when I spent time with happy, functional families. It was so bizarre awkward uncomfortable off-putting to be in the company of related individuals who actually respected each other. I was sure they could see right through me into my dysfunctional roots, and that made it uncomfortable to be around them. I think I've gotten over most of that discomfort to the point where I really looked up to these families. In due course, I decided that it was real, it was ideal, it was possible, and that I wanted that.

Having made that conscious decision/goal to have functional, happy family, I didn't think that my deep-seated core beliefs would shift as well (and so drastically). I can honestly say that I no longer dread a family-filled future; I long and pray for one. I almost want to apologize for admitting this, but my professional/personal ambitions are a second priority to this new future family goal (I mean, I hope I can do both, but it's still a lesser priority). I would sacrifice a lot to have that image in my head become a reality.


I have strayed quite a bit from my original train of thought, but I think I'm going to end it there. Tradition values aren't the coolest ideas out there but sometimes there's a lot of merit to doing things the way everyone else does it. I guess that's my conclusion.